No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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