i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
