Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
