I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
