you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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