Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
