There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
