I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
