My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
