He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
