i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
