my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
