We're facebook friends in real life
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
