That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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