too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Someone came in the potted fern
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
