Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
