I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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