i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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