Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
