a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
