Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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