The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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