So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
