So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You have to summon your inner elephant
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
