I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
