I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
