BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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