garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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