Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
