can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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