At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
