Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
why do cheetos always look like penises
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
