But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
