Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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