Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
