Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
