But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
