I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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