I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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