You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
