babies were throwing up all over the place
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
