so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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