she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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