That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
