so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
