so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
