I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
