All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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