apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
