I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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