last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
