I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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