So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
FUCK WHALES
The adults are the big ones right?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
