wanna go halves on a baby?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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