i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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